There are many reasons to stay with someone who is not good for you. If someone was not good for you in an all-inclusive way, chances are you wouldn’t be with them to begin with. Which means that there is something there which did get you two together, and is now either faded, nonexistent, or otherwise it is covered by a bunch of bad patterns of all kinds. The mind has trouble separating the good from the bad, and it can trick you into thinking one thing, when reality is quite the opposite. Some feel they are undeserving of someone better, for whatever reason. Many times, as a form of self-defense, the one who wants to leave will convince themselves that what they have is the best possible reality for them, even if it isn’t.
The little stories we tell ourselves regarding our own life are meant to keep us from experiencing more pain and suffering than is necessary, but there are times when those stories are predicated on the wrong ideas or presuppositions. You don’t always know what is good for you. Some people are thinking that the partner will change, and that these actions/ideas/problems are only temporary. And as time goes on, they are able to adapt and tolerate more and more. This is not only true to abusive relationships, but to many other kinds. Regarding leaving a toxic relationship: first and foremost, talk to a professional. You can visit your family doctor, a therapist, or tell someone in your church (or establishment of equal importance to you). You need to find a way out, and sometimes we are blind to our own strengths until someone else manages to shake us out of it.
Like I said, there is usually something good in every relationship, and that is what keeps people there even if there are plenty of bad things to go along with it. Maybe he’s sweet when it comes to taking care of your ailing mom. Maybe he buys you jewelry or chocolate and flowers and you enjoy being wooed like that. Or perhaps you have the same sense of humor, so you find yourself laughing a lot and ignoring that deep down there is a bad relationship going on.
It is certainly not easy to leave a bad relationship. We human beings crave closeness and intimacy, and once we find that it is hard to let it go. We fear being alone, we fear losing what we currently have, and we fear the idea of never finding another who will be equally as good or better. But that begs several questions. Firstly, why do we want to hold onto something if we know in our gut that it’s not good? And secondly, why do we have such little hope in the future that we will be able to find our true happiness? I guess it’s not wanting to get excited or not wanting to risk it all and then wind up with nothing.
Thanks for not being toxic on this page.